Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize