just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
