You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
