I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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