I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
