i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
