Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
