i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
