Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
