It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize