I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
