I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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