If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
