There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
