An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she smelled like a LAN party
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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