I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
