Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
