Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
