He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
