Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
