She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He felt like a one man threesome
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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