I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
MIDGETS
????
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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