YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize