y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize