You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
