you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
