Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
