9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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