i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
