I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
