Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
