I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
