we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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