So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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