JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
