He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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