Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
