I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
