kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
