He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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