he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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