I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
