first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
