Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
