I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
