So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
