Just fell off a train. Bad.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
