Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
