I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
