So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You are a genius and a whore.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
