Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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