worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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