she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
