my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
