is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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