he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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