So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
