I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
