I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
