She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
