Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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