dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
