Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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