I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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