I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
