We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
