if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
