Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
