dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
