id be glad to
The beer is more important than you right now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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