I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
