Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
